Being a parent is a full-time job, with no performance indicators, or instruction manual. Most of the time you may feel like your kids are running circles around you and you are on the verge of collapsing in between their meltdowns, managing your life, your career, your little person’s life, school, and the list goes on. Having a routine will most certainly limit the crazy circles that you may feel yourself running around in but most importantly a routine has endless benefits for your child.
What are some of the benefits of a routine?
Routines:
- Make your child feel safer and more secure
- Reduce anxiety and stress
- Allow for more meaningful family bonding time due to less crisis management
- Teach children about boundaries and expectations – skills that will be mimicked later in life
- Foster a calmer household
- Let children grow in confidence and independence
- Assist in the development of healthy daily habits, sleeping, quiet time, preparedness, teeth cleaning and eating habits, to name a few
- Give you, the parent, a chance to remember other important things
- Create opportunities for excitement – there will be things your child looks forward to, like a bedtime story, family movie night on Fridays, for example
- Will make change and times of stress easier to navigate as you will know what should happen next
Why is routine important to children?
Primarily, having a routine will provide a child with a sense of security. It will limit the majority of what feels like unnecessary surprises that are the cause for meltdowns. For example: if a child chooses the clothes that they would like to wear the night before, when it comes time to getting dressed in the morning, two things will have successfully happened. The first being: your child chose. Being part of the decision making provides him/her with a sense of ownership and accomplishment and fosters confidence and independence. Secondly: because the clothes were chosen the night before, there are no surprises as to that’s what will be worn for the day. This small seemingly insignificant act has far-reaching benefits.
As adults and parents, it is important to note that a child that feels safe and secure is more likely to have the confidence and courage to learn and explore. These characteristics will be vital when it comes to going to school. Isn’t school primarily about learning through facilitated exploration?
Secondly, routines provide the foundations for healthy habits. Bathing daily, cleaning teeth, getting adequate sleep are all important habits for children, teens, and adults. The earlier they are established the better because they will become engrained and harder to break.
Having a routine is vital to the family as a whole, as expectations and boundaries are clearly defined. This in turn reduce the stress and anxiety that the individuals that make up the family feel. This should mean that rather than walking on egg shells and navigating meltdowns (kids and parents alike) bonding will occur and there will be plenty of space for exciting and happy moments in a day. Because your little one has a routine, he/she can get excited for certain events in advance, whether it be seeing grandparents on a Sunday, bedtime stories, or anything in between. This excitement will raise the mood of your home, making it a safe and secure environment.
How does routine help parents?
Having a routine also empowers parents as they will feel more in control and organised. This in turn will curb some of the stress of parenting. It also means that when stressful times arise, you have something to fall back on that happens on automatic pilot and protects your child.
A major routine bonus means that with limited surprises and tantrums, parents can spend meaningful quality time with their children. It gives you a chance to really know the good parts of your little person and his/her developmental stage, rather than feeling daunted by a terrible two, a three-nager, the ferocious four… the list is endless.
How to create routine and avoid meltdowns?
Creating a routine can be tough, especially the later it is started, but it is doable. Remember to keep in mind that you need to start the way you want to finish. This doesn’t mean being completely inflexible, but it does mean that boundaries are important.
If your child is a little older, start by performing the tasks with them. This doesn’t mean doing the tasks for your little person. For example, going back to the clothing example. Go with your little person and say, “Take out the shirt that you would like to wear tomorrow. You got it? Good. Now, what trousers/shorts/skirt do you think would look great with that? Perfect. Now can you put that all on the table next to your bed, please?” You will do this for a week or two and it will soon become automatic. I am warning you now though, there will be days where you will have to turn a blind eye to your fashionista!
Use the checklist provided below. Start slowly and build your little one up.
School and Routines
There is strong statistical evidence that proves routines lead to social, emotional, and academic success within a school context.
Teachers have found that students that come from routine-based homes are more teachable, as well as more willing to explore the learning opportunities presented to them. They feel safe to question the work that is being taught and generally do so in a more respectful and thoughtful way, always considering those around them. This is due to having been taught boundaries and expectations through routine.
No one ever said that creating a routine would be easy, but the benefits speak for themselves.
Our experience and how I use my checklist:
Our daughter used to have huge separation anxiety with regards to school and that would manifest itself in tantrums about what she is going to wear or how an item of clothing felt. We dreaded mornings because there would inevitably be tears and drama. This usually ended in us dropping off a crying child at school and spending the whole day wondering if we were terrible parents and if our child was ok.
We finally realised that she found it very difficult to make decisions, such as what she was going to wear, in the morning when she was already anxious about going to school and being away from mom and dad. She also felt more secure when she knew exactly what to expect for the day- what activities she had and what day of the week it was. That was when we made the daily checklist.
The changes it made in our daughter were amazing, she suddenly felt empowered about her day! We took the decision making component (what to wear) out of the stressful morning routine and made that decision before bed- when it was easier. Then the mornings went smoothly because she already knew what to wear.
Our 3 year old has also started using it and was upset when I cleared his plate for him because it was his task on his checklist. We have found so many benefits in this checklist and we wanted to share it with all our loyal supporters on the off chance it might help someone else.
-I laminate mine and then use a whiteboard marker which means at the end of each week I can wipe it clean and start again.
-I mark any extra murals or activities the kids might have at the bottom and the days are colour coded, meaning that they can always see exactly where they are in the week and what activity is on the next day.
-This checklist also works as a reminder for mom and dad, especially with younger kids. Sometimes I will forget their vitamins but I can quickly see that it hasn't been ticked off on the checklist. Or they will remind me.
-The checklist really helps provide a sense of accountability for our kids as they are responsible for getting those things achieved each day and they feel a sense of pride once they are done.
Download your free checklist below. Click on the image and then right click and save the image. Or click here.
Resources
https://www.nm.org/healthbeat/healthy-tips/health-benefits-of-having-a-routine
https://www.petitjourney.com.au/10-reasons-a-daily-routine-is-important-for-your-child-and-how-to-set-one/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6378489/
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-kids-family-routine-idUSBREA2B1TM20140312